and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
