I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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