Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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