Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
