I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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