im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
