what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
