Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
