Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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