I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
