You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
