U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
