textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize