I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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