I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
