good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
