That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
