Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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