I bet he comes in French.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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