And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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