Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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