dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
