Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
