His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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