Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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