im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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