We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
