if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
