I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
