Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
