Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
