Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
