Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
