I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
