hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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