I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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