his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
