It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
