did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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