honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
