I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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