i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
