my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
