Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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