I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
