I wish I could teleport
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
