opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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