hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
