Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
