Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
