Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
