So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
