3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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