so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
