Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
