She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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