OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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